It's interesting, back when we first found out about Owen, I remember a specialist (who also had a boy with autism) tell us that it doesn't get easier, you just get more used to it. I didn't really like that at the time, because I just wanted it to be easier, but I am starting to get that way a little bit. For example, I had a play date today with some of my amazing friends at my house (since taking both the boys to the park by myself terrifies me-they are fast), and their kids were playing in the water and jumping on the trampoline with the sprinklers under it and just having a lot of fun and Owen was running in circles and William was giggling to himself and content to play alone with his toys.
And although that is still hard for me, it is becoming my normal. And I love that I have friends that seem to understand that and are cool about it. I think most of the time, I feel really blessed. I have a husband that is loving and supportive and very involved with meetings and schedules and just one on one time with his kids, we have a nice home where we get to watch them explore and laugh and have fun. We also have had a great ward and are moving into a great ward. Our kids are mostly happy and they make us happy. I look at everything in my life and I feel blessed more than I realize.
I think that it is sometimes hard to see where other kids are in their development and realizing what kind of connection I could have or just communication we could have, that makes things a little challenging. I would love it if my kids acknowledged other people or other kids, or if we could explain to them why we are doing the things we do. I know there isn't really a "normal" kid, but I just feel a little sad at times that I am missing part of a typical child's development. I was playing with Owen the other day and doing tickles and just being silly and we had so much fun, but then he decided he was done playing and just ignored me a good chunk of the day. And I really want to focus on the time we play together, but he really calls the shots on that most of the time and it gets tough.
They are both growing so much and really learning so many things. We have so many good resources available to us and we are so lucky to live where we do, I just can't wait for the day when Owen wants to show me something, or just gives me a hug, or is excited to see me. I am getting used to how things are and I am so grateful for the way things are heading, but I really am ready for that day!
Jenny, you are seriously such an amazing person with beautiful children. Your attitude and outlook are amazing, and even though you say it is hard, and it is, I can feel your faith and strength through your words. You take the calling as a mother to a whole new level, one that most of us could only dream to be on.
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