Sunday, August 11, 2013


This was a very eventful week. I was having a hard time the week before and I knew that Zac would be leaving for a few days to a training. Well, I got a little nervous about that, and decided to pray about it. I really felt at peace and the week was busy like it always is, but I really felt happy and that it was fairly manageable. I was so grateful to know that I was heard and watched over.

Since then, we have had some time to spend together. We took the boys to the fair last night like we do every year, but this time, Owen wanted to pet the animals. It was so stinking cute. And it made us see how far he has come. We put both the boys in the wagon and they cuddled up together (which never happens).

And then, today at church, there was a talk given by a boy in our ward with autism. He did so well, and just seemed so honest and sweet. It was such a good Sunday and it was apparent that I am surrounded by blessings. Both big and small!

Friday, August 2, 2013


I won't lie, that last month or so has been a little rough. We have had a lot going on and trying to keep up with everything can be a bit say the least. We just bought a house and it was a short sale, and so the process has taken a LOT longer than we had expected. We are thrilled to have everything finalized, but during the process, we looked at other houses, prayed and waited.

In the meantime, our schedule has been FULL! We have been lucky enough to be a part of what is called the Autism Waiver program. It is a state funded program which allows us to have free in home therapy. Our boys have gone through extensive evaluations and both qualified for the full 15 hours of services per week, that are available. (This started 6 months ago). Both of our boys are in this program and so that means that we have in home therapy up to 30 hours per week. And, as you can guess, I need to be here while these services are taking place. So, although I am a home body sometimes, I feel a little restricted.

We have some great babysitters, and since it's summer, I can sneak them a little easier during the day, but still it is just a bit tiring at times. I feel a little guilty for complaining about it, because I know we are so blessed with such good therapists and a good program, but some days I feel like all I do is schedule appointments and make phone calls, and just try not to go crazy. The boys are really making some good progress though.

Owen is starting to babble more and makes lots of sounds. We occasionally get words like help, down, schoolbus, red...things like that, but it is hit and miss and he doesn't really say anything consistently yet. I have a lot of hope for him, but it feels like a long road, when he is at school or in therapy nearly all the time and we still aren't getting many words overall. He is so smart, and is so good at following instructions and some days I think he is just making so much progress, but then he will have a melt down because he wants a toy, or he wanted to drive in the van instead of the truck, or he needs to sit down in church. I just can't help but worry about his future sometimes. Am I still going to be changing his diapers when he is 9? Will he scare other kids at school when he has a tantrum? Is he going to get teased or ignored or have friends?

I know that every parent worries about their kids and that it doesn't help anyone if I worry, but I just feel like he is getting bigger and growing up so fast, but the issues we had 2 years ago aren't going away. William is coming so far too in his therapy. He seems to be more aware of people, has better eye contact, is more affectionate, and is learning so much. And I am so grateful for all of it, but some days i feel like they both are running all day and well into the night with so much energy and I just feel exhausted all the time. I wish I could paint a pretty picture and say that we are making the best of it, and we are, but some days are just full and exhausting!

We have been blessed with so much and we have such an amazing family (on both sides) that are loving and supporting and encouraging. We are so grateful for everything, and I know that what we do and deal with is very little compared to what some people go through, but I still just want so badly for one of my kids to say " I love you mom!" or want to show me something that is important to them, or tell me about their day. And one day, they will and I know I just need to be patient until then and keep reminding myself of all these blessings that we are lucky enough to see every day.