What a stud!

I know this might be cheesy, but I talk all the time about how amazing my kids are and I sometimes forget to mention one of the reasons why they are so amazing...Zac. When we were dating he took me on dates like playing baseball with rotten apples. Another date that is really memorable to me is when he simply brought a rake to the park and we spent nearly two hours laughing and jumping into leaves. He was unique and original and so fun to be around.

When we got married, he helped me learn patience and showed me how important it is to help other people no matter what. He always makes me laugh and want to be better. Then, when we started our little family, it became very obvious to me that he was even more amazing! He helped with diapers and baths and took such good care of me as I was trying to get things figured out. He is such a great dad! He loves getting on his hands and knees and playing with them. He constantly says "Come see them do this or that"...he gets so excited when they do something new and encourages them to try new things.

He has listened to me time after time when I need to talk or cry or just get some insight. He has a way of putting me at ease and helping me see the good we have in our lives. He is my best friend and really cares about our family and everyone around him. I am a better person because of him and I count my blessings every day that I am lucky enough to be his eternal companion. I love him more and more every day!

Advice

Okay all you amazing parents out there...I am going to try and get some brilliant insight from you. Here are some questions for you:

1-Where your kids hardly EVER sit still, what do you do to get them to play with you? Or what kind of toys tend to get their attention?

2-How much time do you really spend playing with your kids? (like actually get down on the floor and play)

3-How many videos do you play for your kids in a typical day if any?

4-What are some of your favorite things to do with your kids?

5-How do you get a 15 month old to continue to take naps?

6-What is a moment you had when you felt like a super mom?

7-How do you introduce new foods to your kids?

Alright! I am ready to be inspired!!!

Time out for women

This last weekend I went to Time out for women in Idaho Falls with my sisters and my parents (my dad was a priesthood leader there). We had such a great time. I left in the afternoon on Friday and then carpooled with most of my sisters and then headed to Idaho Falls. We dropped off my brother in law and a couple of the kiddos in Poky and then made it to the event. There were amazing presenters like John Bytheway, Virginia Pearce, Merilee Boyack, Emily Watts, Emily Freeman and Mary Ellen Edmunds. There was also musical presentations by Macy Robinson (I think that's her last name) and Jericho Road.

These speakers were amazing and it was good to laugh and cry and just get a break from life. After the first night, we all went out to eat and laughed A LOT! I love my sisters-they are so fun!!! I also got to see a lot of my friends that I haven't seen in awhile. I felt like I left renewed and anxious to be better and just be happy, because there are blessings all around me. Here are some pictures from my really amazing weekend!

Crafty!

I saw this on pinterest...(I say that alot lately) I took this really cute glow in the dark puzzle that my sister gave my kiddos for Christmas and put magnet backing on it. Love it!

I have this on the side of the fridge for loose end things that I need to keep close by. It's no the cutest thing I ever made, but I like it.

This is another one I made for the downstairs freezer to keep track of what we've got.

I think it turned out pretty cute!

I don't know how to turn this picture, but I have been working on some busy bags for the kids and so some of those include balloons, stickers, and things like that.

I cut out some pictures (from free paint samples) and taped them to pins and then put magnet tape on the back.

I saw a great idea for these. You glue magnets on the back and they can make pictures with them and just be creative. I am really excited to try it.

Owen loves puzzles and letters and so he has really liked these. I cut up an old diapers box into squares and them put on foam letter. And then when he gets older, he can use it for spelling.

Piggy bank. I forgot to take a picture of the cute little tail in the back. Fun!

Thought these were cute. I think I'll put pens, pencils and sharpies in these.

This was a project I kept meaning to do and finally got around to it. I wanted Owen to have to ask me to open the totes for him to get to toys. Hasn't worked yet, but at least I keep my toys a little cleaner (until they wake up).

I've been having a lot of fun working on some crafty things while I am chilling with Zac at night. I'm still figuring it all out, but I'm having a lot of fun in the meantime.

This is what I like to call severe cuteness! My in-laws gave this little tricycle to Owen for Christmas, but Will loves to sit on it and push the buttons and we have loved every minute of it!!!

The other side of things!

Ok, so I decided that I am tired of feeling sorry for myself. I just needed to explain that some days push me to the limit. I am feeling a lot better now and a little more able to balance my life. (Part of that is both my kids are sleeping). :) Anyway, I have been thinking about all of our blessings, and although some days feel discouraging and I just want to give up, I remember how much my kids need me and how much I honestly need them.

I look at so many people that go through and are going through things so much more difficult than what we are facing. Zac and I are in a happy loving marriage. Our kids are happy and healthy and growing and developing. The rate isn't overly important right now as long as they're learning. We have an amazing support system. Family, friends, and our ward family have been nothing but loving and supportive and encouraging. I feel like this is Heavenly Father's way of saying I know this is hard, but look at what you get in return.

I feel like I have been able to help or encourage others that have gone through what I've been going through and that they have been equally helpful. We have multiple resources and specialists who are striving every single time we meet them to help and give advice. I know that it's okay to be angry at times and frustrated and just want to scream or cry, but I feel like it is equally important for everyone that knows us to understand that we see the joy and blessings of each day too. Every small thing (to most people) is something we celebrate in our house. Every milestone is a blessing.

There are a million things I love about my children. They make me want to work hard and be a better person and set a good example. They make me laugh and smile and I want to call my entire family every time Owen says a new word. We are truly blessed and most of the time we are genuinely happy. We are so grateful to see God's hand in our lives, leading us to the right people and doctors and reminding us that we are doing ok. Thank you for your thoughts and words and unending support. We are so lucky to have such good people in our lives.

Some things just need to be said...

There are a lot of things flowing through my mind and I felt like there would be some peace that came from expressing it. When I in junior high I had a really difficult day and I felt like everyone ignored me and no one smiled at me and I felt worse. The next day was pretty similar and I felt alone, I distinctly remember one person smiling at me and I felt remembered. From that day on I told myself that no one would ever feel forgotten when they were around me. There was no excuse good enough for me to not smile at someone that needed a smile.

This experience has shaped my life. I have always felt that Heavenly Father has blessed me with the ability to love. I can't think of hardly anyone that I truly dislike. Before Owen was born I worked for a place called BRASC. I was a receptionist for a facility that took care and helped those with disabilities. There was never a job more suited for me. I loved going to work every day and I felt like I was blessed every day by these sweet sweet spirits. I was surrounded by hugs and kind words and people that I really loved. It was hard to leave, but I still visit and they still remember me even after 3 years.

Well, now I have a son that takes the bus to school with some of the kids that were in our summer program and now I am blessed to raise my own sweet spirit. I could never really express the joy and heartache that come with Owen. The joy is in his smile and laugh and hugs and kisses. He is incredibly smart and fun to be around. He is genuinely happy most of the time and I love watching him discover new things. The only heartache that comes with my amazing son, is no words. He can say go and occasionally will say a random word here and there, but I have only heard mom a couple of times (and he is 3 and a half) and I have never heard I love you.

In the beginning, I remember thinking that I just needed to love him enough. I needed to tell him every day that I love him and that he is smart and fun and special. And I have. And still there are no words. I know that hearing him speak wouldn't change everything, but I just want it more than anything. It's difficult to explain to people what it's like. It kind of reminds me of when you're single and you feel like all you see around you are happy couples. I really hope that none of this comes out the wrong way, because I look at Owen and I love so many things about show he is and what he does and how smart and wonderful he is. I just wish I knew how best to help him.

Yesterday I had an appointment for Will and when I spoke to the pediatrician he was concerned that Will wasn't talking yet and so he suggested we get him evaluated as well. I understand that lots of kids don't talk by the time they're 15 months, but all those feelings and worries and concerns came rushing back. Owen and Will are complete opposites in most ways and so I don't feel overly worried, but then I can't help but wonder what I'm doing wrong. I sometimes feel like I am trying to play every game, read every book, and fill all my energy with my kids and it just feels like a weight.

I know that it isn't true, but it's hard not to feel like everything they can't/aren't doing is a reflection of who I am as a mother. I am young and naive and feel sometimes that I missed the parenting class that everyone else seems to ace. I love my kids more than anything and all I want is for them to be happy and loved and at least I am doing that. I just pray that I can show them the love and happiness that they have given me. Like I said, sometimes it is just therapeutic to say how you feel and so there it is, with all the good, bad and the ugly.

A for effort!