A New Me

   I'm not going to lie. The couple of weeks before this one were rough. Really rough. We were adjusting to a new schedule, school and staff for Owen and new schedule for William and I felt like everything was overwhelming. I just felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders and I just couldn't shake it. Now when I get that way, I either eat everything in sight or eat nothing at all and my stomach is in knots all the time, well I was definitely feeling it and it was really taking its toll.

  And then, this last weekend I had Time Out For Women, (for those that don't know what this is, it is a presentation for 2 days that Desert Book sets up. It has speakers and musical presenters with inspiring stories and songs). Most of my sisters were here and my Mom. Well, the first night of the presentation was good, but I still just felt that weight still and so I decided to ask my family for help and it just reminded me that I have so many blessings. We have family (on both sides) that love our kids and support and encourage our family. I know they would do anything for us, because they have. Even if it's as simple as letting me cry or giving me words of encouragement.

  I felt like it was so obvious that Satan wanted me to be blind to these blessings that were just flowing all around me. There were constant reminders that I was loved, my kids were loved, our family was being watched over and that things were going to be okay. And then came the second day of TOFW and the very first presenter spoke about thinking. What do you think about? She talked about how certain thoughts can take root in our minds and that sometimes we need to do some weeding and choose to be happy. This talk in particular (although they were all good) really stuck with me. Happiness is a choice and I was choosing to give in to sadness and frustration.

  Everything seemed to change after that talk. I kept seeing more clearly those things that made the Savior more real to me. I felt so close to the spirit and I knew I just needed to take a deep breath and not let those negative thoughts take me over. For the first time in weeks, I felt truly happy. I came home Zac about my experience and I was so grateful for his patience with me. He has been loving and encouraging me this whole time too and I think that really stuck in my mind too. How could I so easily have forgotten the beautiful blessings all around me? I have been so happy the last few days.

  Nothing has changed too much as far as our schedule. It is still busy and a little crazy, but I feel like I want to pray, serve and live better. I just feel good. It makes me so grateful in a world filled with confusion and wickedness, I am blessed to have felt and be touched by the spirit. That it helps me see the beauty in the world and the good in people no matter what religion or background, and just to simply see the beauty in myself. Well, I decided that I needed a new me.

   I went out and got a new haircut and I feel like I really started over.