Questions...

1. Do I do what's best for Owen?
2. Do I play with him enough?
3. Am I reading his cues?
4. Am I remembering to practice all the things I've learned in our classes?
5. Am I making it too complicated?
6. Do I keep a positive attitude?
7. Am I spiritually where I need to be?

These are just a few of the many questions I was asking myself yesterday. We had a really busy week! We had a Monday class, Tuesday video session, Wednesday community activity, Thursday class and then a later video review. Monday and Tuesday went well. Then Wednesday came and the community activity was to play basketball at a local school. They had mini basketball hoops and a bunch of basketballs and all Owen wanted to do was run and run and run. So, the next objective was to make that a game and encourage an interaction. So we made a square and as he ran to one of us, we would lift him up which he liked about twice and then he started to get really frustrated.

Now this is where it starts getting a little difficult for me. For those of you who aren't very familiar with Owen, he is an extremely happy boy, but he likes to play by himself a lot of the time and doesn't like to be interrupted in what he wants to do (most of the time-that means running). So, my normally happy child gets really upset with these kind of activities. So, I have to decide if I want to practice these things that make my son upset and makes me feel like I am the only one in that room that has a kid that doesn't want to play. However, I know that I need to be encouraging him to try new things and interact with people.

Then came Thursday, this was my breakdown day. He had a class (he has this class every other week). Zac came to this one. He likes to come, but it's hard to miss a lot of work and so a lot of these classes and meetings I go solo. So, I was really excited when Zac was able to come. Owen started out good, but it didn't take long before he started losing it. I'll be honest, I don't think I have ever seen him that upset and it lasted a little over an hour. We tried a lot of different things to get him to calm down and to get him to interact with us. It was just too many things going on for him to handle. During the middle of this, we were encouraged not to console him (he doesn't like to be consoled anyway) and just keep encouraging interactions and play with him and it kept going on.

So, there I am with my husband, wanting to show him how well he does in class and Owen is going crazy and I am just watching it. He would stop every once and awhile and catch his breath, but I just felt so helpless. At the end of our class, we are combined for snack and song time with a few other kids and he is crying the whole time...well, it was inevitable. There came my tears both there and on the way home. This made me question everything. Do I baby him too much? Do I make him not want to be consoled or held? What am I doing right or wrong and how can I change it? This is why I am so grateful for Zac. He is in the same boat as I am. We both love Owen with all our hearts and want what's best for him and just want to play with him and make sure he's happy.

By the time I got home, I took a deep breath and gave a silent prayer thanking Heavenly Father for reminding me of all my blessings. I am lucky enough to be a mom and to be Owen's mom nonetheless and that means that he trusts me with a very choice spirit. As soon as we were in the car, he was smiling and laughing and back to his normal self. He gave me a big smiles and I knew that he knew I was there to take care of him and that I love him. I had made plans with a friend of mine to go to dinner and I was grateful to go and forget about the day. I finished the day smiling and encouraged and ready for a new day. I still question what kind of mother I am from time to time, but I know that I love him and try everything I can to make sure he is happy and loved and that's the best I can do.