I decided that I need some female sympathy! Now don't get me wrong, I love being a mother and it is the best thing I could do with my life, but sometimes I feel like that's all I am. Like, sometimes I'm not sure how to be a normal social person. I enjoy getting out and doing things, but I don't know how to not be that obnoxious person that only talks about her kid. That's just where I am all day. I definitely don't feel like this every day, but sometimes life is just busy for Zac and I think, that stinks that you get to socialize at work and then do things at night.
I know this makes me sound bitter, but I am really not. I am so proud of how hard Zac works and how he provides for our family and allows me to be at home and watch Owen grow up, but I guess sometimes I feel a little jealous. Some days are so great and I feel blessed every second of the day. (90% of the time) and then there is that lousy 10% that makes me feel like I am just watching others live their lives...and then cleaning the house...again.
I think I just needed to get that out of my system and now I am going to feel crappy for a few hours and then go back to happy, optimistic Jenny and remember everything that I am grateful for. Some days I just need to feel crappy as weird as that may sound and then the next day is always better. Thank you for putting up with my venting! Tomorrow is a new day!!!
Jenny - I love your venting! :) That seemed like more of convincing yourself that you are wrong than truly venting. :) We ALL feel like that. And sadly, I feel that way about 50% of the time... If you get any good answers, let us know!
ReplyDeleteI feel if I can keep the crappy days to about 10% I'm doing pretty good. Prior to kids I always had those days when I was hating working or going to school. Life is funny like that.
ReplyDeleteYou know Jenny, I really struggled with this same thing when I had Gabe. I read the scripture about "opposition in all things" and how if there wasn't any bitter, we couldn't know the sweet (I'm paraphrasing) but soon after Zoe was born, I REALLY struggled, we moved here from Colorado and neither one of us had a job. We decided whoever found a job first would work. Well, I found one of my dream jobs...I got hired as a veterinary assistant. And the day before I started, Zeke got offered a job at USU. It was much better pay, but Zeke being the awesome guy he is said, "you got hired first, you choose, I can find something part time and we can juggle the kids" He knew I really wanted the job and had wanted something else to define me for so long. Well, after much prayer and fasting and such, we decided I should stay home. Now, I'm getting way off on a tangent like always, because I know you didn't say anything about getting a job. But what I learned from this experience is when I finally decided what my job/career/service would be for sure, to be a stay at home mother to my children. I had already been a stay at home mom ever since Gabe was born, but when presented with this "dream job" I really hesitated. But when I made the decision in my mind to stay home, it became easier. I promised myself I would put my whole heart into it and "give it my all" and such...
ReplyDeleteWell, 10 years and 2 more kids later, I'm still here.... and seriously some days... I curl up in a ball on the floor of my closet and cry and feel sorry for myself (it's really HARD!) But I know it will be worth it and I know it's important. I really try to enjoy the moment. An entire day is exhausting, but there are good little bits mixed in. (I think of the quote from Pres. Hinckley about life being like a railroad journey) I get jealous of Zeke too, I think that's normal. You are one of the nicest people and best mothers I know. It's just those dang pregnancy hormones making you feel crappy! Just pamper yourself a little, you deserve it. We should get a bunch of us together and go out for ice cream or something.
Also, a GREAT quote from Julie Beck (I got it from my friend's blog): I read it EVERY DAY!!
“A good woman knows that she does not have enough time, energy, or opportunity to take care of all of the people or do all of the worthy things her heart yearns to do. Life is not calm for most women, and each day seems to require the accomplishment of a million things, most of which are important. A good woman must constantly resist alluring and deceptive messages from many sources telling her that she is entitled to more time away from her responsibilities and that she deserves a life of greater ease and independence. But with personal revelation, she can prioritize correctly and navigate this life confidently.” -- Sister Julie B. Beck
ok, this was way long.... but I missed out visiting with you the other day at play group, so we'll count it:) love ya
ok, one more thing I forgot! For me, I really struggled when Gabe and Zoe were little. I was SO lonely. But the older my children get, the less lonely I am and the more fun it is. I love watching a musical with Zoe and Kaia and singing all the songs together. Or reading the same books as Gabe and then talking about them. Or going shopping together and laughing and pretending. I've got 4 little best friends right here with me :)
ReplyDeleteI feel that way too Jenny. It is hard to never have a break. It is hard not to be jealous of my husband's time away. I know though that sometimes my husband is jealous of me getting to spend so much time with our son. We all have our moments and sometimes it feels good to voice those fustrations.
ReplyDeleteDon't be too hard on yourself. Being a mother is great and rewarding, but it is also VERY hard. I admire the way you are so positive and happy, but I also admire a person that can talk about the hard times and how they get through them. It helps us all learn and grow together. Hugs!
ReplyDelete