The Cook Family

Girls Day

2012-02-15T11:40:00.000-08:00

I know there are a lot of pictures, but I love these ladies! We had such a great time getting together and catching up. I am truly blessed to know and spend time with these amazing women!!!!

Laughing

2012-02-13T09:43:00.000-08:00

Just a little too fun not to post!

Monkey on my back

2012-02-11T14:47:00.000-08:00

My adorable friend Whitney got this toy monkey for Will for his birthday and he loves it! And one of our favorite things to do is have it give Will a hug. What a cutie!!!

Creative yogurt eating

2012-02-10T08:41:00.000-08:00

We have been working really hard to get Owen to use forks and spoons and I am happy to say that he can make it through about half a yogurt using a spoon and then it becomes really fun and entertaining to watch. (As you can see!) We love him so much!!!

My sister and her kiddos

2012-02-08T09:40:00.000-08:00

I have been blessed with amazing sisters and this is one of them. Diana and her two kids...Ethan and Ali. They are so fun and I am excited to get to see them soon.

Relaxin

2012-02-05T09:24:00.000-08:00

This is Owen's thing lately. Sitting on the couch, kickin' his feet up and jsut chillin'. He has been so funny lately. We consider ourselves very entertained. :)

Out

2012-02-03T09:21:00.000-08:00

This was at Thanksgiving...but I couldn't help myself. He was so sad to have to stay inside when he could see how fun it was outside. I can't usually resist him in moments like this and so I put him on my shoulders and walked him around a few times. It was fun!

Cuteness

2012-02-02T09:19:00.000-08:00

This boy melts me!!!

Walk

2012-02-01T09:20:00.000-08:00

Aren't they cute?

Adorable Owen laughs

2012-01-31T06:17:00.000-08:00

My in-laws have this cool car mat and Owen loved it! This was the start of his love for playing with cars. I just think he's adorable!!!

The difference one day makes!

2012-01-30T11:16:00.000-08:00

I find it interesting that the last week was sooooo difficult for me and I felt bitter and frustrated and then on top of it I was supposed to teach a lesson on the joy of womanhood. Talk about feeling inadequate! But when I went to church yesterday, something happened. One of the speakers talked about self worth and how we are important to God and it made me take a step back and think about that. I know that God loves me, but I think that I was so consumed with what was going on with me that I forgot what that really means.

Sometimes it just feels like a nice thing to say or think, but I REALLY matter to Him. He knows all the tears I have for feeling like I'm not enough and that my kids deserve better, or when I just want to fall into bed and my mind just won't stop thinking and worrying. And for the first time in over a week I honestly felt peace and comfort. This whole time I was trying to figure out how to change my situation or how to get past this phase of my life and then it hit me like a ton of bricks! I am the one that is making it difficult!!!

I decided to change my attitude and really pray for help and I feel so happy about my life and where it is right now. I have had more fun with my kids, more love for my husband, more patience and I feel so lucky! For the lesson I taught yesterday (in YW) I asked a few people to talk about their joy they've found in womanhood and it amazed me how different their points of view were and what they each emphasized. We are all so different, but I felt so connected to them. We all have struggles, but I feel so blessed to know that my prayers are heard and life really is GOOD! They aren't just nice words. I truly feel happy!

Bathtime

2012-01-28T09:07:00.000-08:00

What a cutie!

Chillin'

2012-01-27T08:30:00.000-08:00

What?

Snuggles

2012-01-26T08:18:00.000-08:00

Is is obvious that I love my hubby and my little guy? I am oozing with blessings!!!!

Friends night

2012-01-24T15:08:00.000-08:00

I love these people! Someone had the brilliant idea to get everybody together while we were all home for the holidays and we were so excited to catch up and see how much everyone has changed. It was a blast!

Extended Family get together

2012-01-22T15:04:00.000-08:00

I am so blessed to have such a fun extended family and a bunch of us were able to get together a day or two after Christmas and we had a good time catching up and seeing how much everyone's families have grown.

It was nice to let the kids just run around the church and get some energy out and then we were a little ready to go home and sleep for a good 4 or 5 days! :)

Festivities

2012-01-21T15:00:00.000-08:00

This is my adorable neice Abby. She was so sweet and walked around with Will, so Zac and I could visit for awhile. He loved it.

That smile melts me every time!!!

So, the day after Christmas we all went to my sister (Bethany's) house and played games and I don't know how we talked the men into it, but we had them take the kids to the church and run around, while we got to sit and relax and visit. We had a great time. We don't get to do that very often and definitely with all my sisters. I loved it!

It is amazing how much everyone's families have grown!

Christmas Day

2012-01-20T09:55:00.000-08:00

We are both really blessed to have both of our parents live close and to have them both live close to each other. It makes it a lot easier to handle Christmas. We get the best of both worlds! We had so much fun playing games at my parents house and watching my neices and nephews open their presents and then we had so much fun at Zac's parents, visiting and playing the bells.

We have both been really blessed with loving families and we had a blast spending time with everyone!

Christmas Morning

2012-01-19T11:49:00.000-08:00

Well, we did Christmas a little different this year. We did our Christmas morning on Saturday instead of Sunday. We figured that this way we can take our time and let the kids enjoy their gifts without interuption. Then, on Sunday, we got to really focus on Christ and then right after church we headed to Pocatello to be with family (those pictures coming soon).

We actually got Owen to open a couple of gifts, once we started him off and showed him what it was. Our big gift to both the boys was a scooter ramp. Owen especially loves it. It has a mini track and you can put smaller cars on it too. Owen will chase the cars as they go down. It's really cute. They both had fun trying different treats that we don't normally have. They were both really fun this Christmas!

William's Birthday

2012-01-17T14:35:00.000-08:00

Will's birthday was so fun! He wasn't sure about opening presents, but he loved the toys he got. And he had never had anything quite like cake and so he just touched it at first and then started going to town. He was so cute and we had so much fun spoiling him. I love you William!!!

Sweet little sleeper

2012-01-15T09:07:00.000-08:00

I love catching little moments like these!

Waking up to snow

2012-01-11T09:08:00.000-08:00

This is what it looked like the other day when Owen and Will woke up to a real suprise...snow! They weren't quite sure what to think. But in the meantime, we had fun watching them discover it. :)

Cousins

2012-01-05T09:10:00.000-08:00

We were lucky enough to have a visit from my awesome sister-in-law Heidi and her family (a little while ago) and we had so much fun visiting for a little bit and playing with the kiddos.

Change

2012-01-04T13:21:00.000-08:00

I've decided that I have a hard time just sitting down and writing what I think about. It is much easier for me to post pictures of my kiddos and things like that. So, here I am getting out of my comfort zone. I am truly happy I would say 90% of the time and even if I'm not, I can usually find the good in life and in situations, but some days feel different. Some days feel like I hardly want to get out of bed and that I am just here. I sometimes feel like all life is, is butt wiping and making sandwiches and doing laundry. I know that I am blessed with amazing kids and a loving husband, a roof over my head, I have the gospel, I have good friends and family that are loving and supportive and an amazing ward family....and so I actually feel guilty when I have days like this.

It just seems like the projects just build and build and I feel like I am cleaning the same things all the time and by the time I can actually sleep, I am so excited to have time to myself, when I don't have to take care of anyone or put anything away, I just want all the me time I can get. I just don't know how people do it, other women have 4 or 5 kids and they seem to be involved in everything possible and they are domestic and just seem to have it all together...now, I am not stupid, I know that everyone struggles with different things and the grass always looks greener on the other side, but it feels a little hard to ignore sometimes.

I don't really know what I'm trying to say, just venting I guess. Sometimes I just feel like I need a change. Big or small...I just need a change.

So close

2012-01-03T09:16:00.000-08:00

So, my little ones have a new favorite hobby. Playing in the tub without water. We find it entertaining, but the two of them in there together make me a little nervous. (They are both SLOWLY learning how to share). Anyway, Will was trying so hard to get it. I just couldn't stop laughing. He cracks me up!!!

Kisses

2011-12-27T08:15:00.000-08:00

I'll be honest, on hard days...I sometimes wonder if Owen understands that I love him and that I would do anything for him and so it makes moments like these soooo rewarding. I love my kiddos!!!!

Playing in the snow

2011-12-21T09:11:00.000-08:00

Trip to Temple Square

2011-12-20T09:25:00.000-08:00

Zac and I took the kids to Ogden to take the train to SLC and see the lights at Temple Square. We went with our good friends Allen and Loreena and their adorable kids. We had so much fun and I don't know what was better, the trip or the company. These are a little backwards...this was at the end of the trip and Owen was just curious about the lights moving outside.

Allen and Loreena with their adorable kiddos...Christian, Damien and Wesley. They were so fun and we all took turn chasing kids.

We had sooooooo much fun!!!!

1st day of preschool

2011-12-19T09:21:00.000-08:00

I thought that I would throw in these cute smiling pictures, because he doesn't look very happy to get on the bus, but he was just figuring it out. These last pictures were taken about 20 minutes before the bus came to pick him up. He was all smiles when he got off the bus and I think that he is loving school. He's been going 3 days a week for the last few weeks and I really think that he loves it!!!!!

Baby Shower

2011-12-17T13:33:00.000-08:00

I can't even begin to tell you how much I love Zac's family! They are amazing, loving and just fun people! We all got together at a baby shower a month or so ago and I just didn't want to leave. Love these ladies!!!

Classes

2011-12-16T09:01:00.000-08:00

I know that I talk alot about classes and appointments and things that keep us busy and so, since Owen just finished up one of his programs (and now he is in preschool) I thought I should have some fun pictures of a few of his different classes. As you can tell, in some he was more cooperative than in others. :) I also wanted to post a cute video of him giggling.

Take a hike! :)

2011-12-14T08:09:00.000-08:00

Before the snow started falling, we took the boys for a hike and they were sooooo cute! Owen was really fascinated by the rocks and liked moving them around and Will was introduced to leaves. He was really funny, taking his time to touch them really carefully trying to figure them out. I love nature and seeing God's creations. It was a really great day!

This face is priceless!

2011-12-11T13:42:00.000-08:00

Yep, that is a mouth full of banana! This boy makes me smile every day!!!

Corn maze

2011-12-07T12:52:00.000-08:00

Obviously, I am still really behind. Life goes too fast. This was a couple months ago (I think). We went to the corn maze with the kids and had a blast! We took the train and the boys were loving it. They also had a giant slide and Owen went down with Zac a couple of times. Owen loved leading the way in the corn maze. He just started running and didn't really stop. It was actually really cute to watch him try to figure out which way to go. My kids are cute! That's all!!

This is how behind I am...Halloween (3 posts)

2011-12-05T14:02:00.000-08:00

The kids were really cute this Halloween! Although it's hard to tell, they really did have fun. We had a ward party and they lots of cute games and toys and treats and Owen was all over it. Will was content to just check things out.

Trick or treating

2011-12-05T14:00:00.000-08:00

Owen is in this really great program. (Just finished on his birthday last week), and they did trick or treating. Owen got to ride in a wagon and got lots of treats. He was pretty excited and sooooo cute! It was nice for me too, it wore him out!!!

Pumpkin Carving

2011-12-05T07:18:00.000-08:00

If you couldn't tell, we had fun!

One freakin' cute kid!!! (No words needed)

2011-11-17T12:50:00.000-08:00

Signature move

2011-11-15T12:49:00.000-08:00

My sons never stop moving. That includes when Will is in the carseat. :) This is a typical manuver that he has come up with. He makes us laugh! Love this little guy!!

We love tv!

2011-11-13T12:48:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I will be the first to admit that movies sometimes save me!! I think it's nice to watch their reactions to music and fun little characters. These are a few of those moments.

One good guy!

2011-11-10T12:45:00.000-08:00

Is it just me or is my husband amazing!!!?!! He is so good with our boys. We plays games, gives tickles, and gets excited to try new things with them. I am so grateful for such an amazing hubby that loves me and our kids so much!

Baseball BBQ (late)

2011-11-01T12:42:00.000-07:00

So, I had such a blast playing baseball this summer. We played once a week and I loved it!!! We had such a fun team (and we weren't that bad either). We decided that we were fun and that we should all get together for a BBQ when the season was all done. Our good friends, Ben and Michelle, were sweet enough to put it on for us and we had a good time chatting and eating some good bbq. Loved it!

Grandpa Cook's Birthday

2011-10-28T12:40:00.000-07:00

We went to Poky a few weeks ago for my father in law's birthday. It was good to get away for a day and see our family. The kids had a ball playing with new toys and Owen loved going up and down so many stairs.

We had a great time and felt very blessed to have such a great fam!

Haircut

2011-10-24T12:38:00.000-07:00

This is Owen's first real haircut. We had a lot of strategy! He was so funny and my mom was so patient!! We had plenty of snacks and he kept swiping her hands away and we all just got a big laugh about it!!!

Time out for Women-pictures

2011-10-20T12:37:00.000-07:00

I already posted about my amazing Time out for Women experience, but for some reason or another, I couldn't get pictures to load. So here they are. I went with my sisters: Diana and Kara (bottom and top picture) and my adorable friends: Christine and Becca (middle picture). We had so much fun and I enjoyed their company on a really great weekend.

Bear Lake pictures...finally

2011-10-18T12:32:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I am officially behind! Zac and I took a trip to Bear Lake (a month ago) and here is how is went.

My parents were nice enough to watch our kiddos for 3 days while we took a trip. We haven't been on a trip, just the two of us, since before Owen was born. We were really grateful to my folks for helping us out. We went swimming (indoors and out) and drove around town, took bike rides, and relaxed. The first night we just laughed at ourselves because we ate in and then watched tennis. But, it was so nice to just chill.

We had a blast and it was really good to get away and have fun!

Expressions

2011-10-16T12:28:00.000-07:00

This little guy is so animated! He is so FUN to watch and to play with!! He is crawling like crazy and pulling himself up on everything. He is SOOOO anxious to walk. He is the funnest baby! He loves to smile and laugh and play with anyone that will give him attention. He thinks Owen and whatever Owen is playing with is the best and wants to be right next to him and playing with his toys. Owen doesn't like this so much. He gets pushed around a bit, but overall they play okay with each other.

Will loves to be tossed in the air and tickled. I love that boy's laugh. He is an amazing kid and we are so blessed to have him in our family. I am so excited to keep watching him learn and discover.

Trampoline

2011-10-13T12:23:00.000-07:00

We got a trampoline earlier this year and we have LOVED it! Owen loves it...Will loves it! It has been so much fun. The best is when Owen's wild hair gets that static cling. And it is a great place to get rid of some energy before nap time. :)

My nephew Ethan was here a few weeks ago and the first two pictures are of the cousins jumping together. Love that too!

Visit

2011-10-12T11:48:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I am really behind on posting and so I will start with a visit with my sister, Diana, a few months ago. We had so much fun and the kiddos were fun to play with.

Sold

2011-10-10T12:26:00.000-07:00

We have had a lot go on these last few months. We sold both our Nissan and Zac sold his motorcycle. I am really thrilled about having a minivan, but I was sad to see our car go a bit, because that was Zac's car before we even got married, and so I felt oddly attached to it. And no I didn't cry. :)

I never thought I would say this, but I was actually sad to see the motorcycle go too. I never really worried about Zac riding it, because he is a very cautious driver, but we got the bike before we had kids and so we have taken a lot of rides and really enjoyed having it. Growing up I guess!

Time out for Women

2011-10-01T18:18:00.000-07:00

I am been a real slacker in my blogging lately, because I haven't been able to get pictures onto my computer and I have a hard time sometimes coming up with something to say, but I have a little down time and I just had such a great experience when I went to Time out for Women (with a couple of really great friends and 2 of my amazing sisters) and so I thought I would do something a little different and post straight from my journal (which I wrote in right after I got back so I could remember my feelings a little better).

This weekend was a really amazing one! I just got back From TOFW and that whole event could have been made just for me. The theme was the prospect of what we can become. Some of the topics covered were things like: self-worth, overcoming adversities, motherhood, faith, life is NOT a contest and the importance of our choices. HIT HOME!!

I felt like specific messages were worded perfectly to my understand. Everything felt relateable. It's interesting too, I didn't end up leaving feeling like I needed to change everything in my life and do more, for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was worth a lot and more importantly that I was worth a lot to Heavenly Father. I think something I thought about was the phrase "Life is not a contest." I really feel that a lot of the time. I want to have it all and then when I look around me and see someone skinnier, or more domestic, or more righteous and I feel like I'm lacking and have something to prove. I think I'm starting to better realize that I have a purpose and how can anyone love me for who I am, if not only do I not love myself for me, but in some ways I don't even know who I am and what my realistic expectations of myself are.

I learned that I can help others, but I can't help everyone. I can give my kids love and care, but I don't have to give everything I am to them. There were sooooo many messages about the Savior and His need for us. It really renewed my testimony of a loving brother. I feel refreshed and ready to face my life on day and sometimes one step at a time. (End of my journal entry)

And if that weren't enough, soon after that I was watching the RS Broadcast with some of my amazing friends and Elder Uchtdorf's talk just felt so important to me. I was so excited to tell Zac about how much I felt the Savior's love for me and felt like He is truly aware of me and my struggles and triumphs. I felt and still feel so blessed and that I am so happy to be me just the way I am, because although I can continually try to be a better person, I am enough.

The last few weeks I feel happier than I have in months. I'm sleeping better, taking better care of myself, and really trying to spend more quality time with my kids. I know that life might not necessarily get any easier, because it feels so busy, but I am learning to be happy and remember to thank my Heavenly Father more regularly for the mountain of blessing we are given every day. I am so grateful for knowing who I am and why I'm here.

Life is good

2011-09-12T17:13:00.000-07:00

Just thought that I would reassure everyone that things are going a lot better. I feel like I have been able to take more things in stride and one day at a time. Zac and I got to go on a mini vacation to Bear Lake for a few days (pictures will be coming soon) and it was a good break and I feel refreshed and ready to tackle things again. These sweet faces are a good reminder to me of everything good in my life.

Just thought that I would reassure everyone that things are going a lot better. I feel like I have been able to take more things in stride and one day at a time. Zac and I got to go on a mini vacation to Bear Lake for a few days (pictures will be coming soon) and it was a good break and I feel refreshed and ready to tackle things again. These sweet faces are a good reminder to me of everything good in my life.

A tough lesson

2011-09-07T13:00:00.000-07:00

We have had a lot of things going on with us lately. We sold a car, we bought a minivan, we are finishing our downstairs bathroom, I just finished a baseball season, YW, EQ, attempting to workout and eat better, changing up our menu, Owen's classes, preparing him for preschool (in December), starting him on a gluten-free diet, Will teething and trying to stop nursing.

And of course there is more of life that just happens. I understand life is busy for everyone, but I got to the point where it all felt like it was coming at me at once. I wasn't hardly sleeping, I would remember to eat only because I was so hungry by the time I got around to it, I felt like I wasn't doing enough for my kids and so on...

My stomach was in knots for about a week or so and then my sweet friend watched our kids so that Zac and I could go to the temple. About halfway through the session, I felt like I took my first breath. And the muscles in my stomach loosened up. Well, then I was sick for 4-5 days and life wasn't slowing down, if anything else...it moved faster and I was trying to keep up with it. Then, last Thursday morning (about 4 a.m.) I started feeling like I couldn't breath.

This really freaked me out and as much as I tried to avoid it, I was starting to hyperventilate. My body started tingling and I felt like there was a large weight in my stomach making it really difficult to breath. My hands and head began to shake uncontrollably so I took a bath and tried to calm down and screamed for Zac when I literally couldn't feel my legs. He packed up the kids and ran me to the ER.

I got an IV and oxygen and tried to calm down, while Zac made arrangements for the kids. They did x-rays and an ultrasound to check everything. Everything for the most part checked out okay, but they want me to follow up at the later date. So after a priesthood blessing and a very full day, I went home and slept more than I had in weeks. Zac took care of everything...he watched the kids, he checked on me periodically and made sure I had water, medicine and sleep. I was so grateful for him and everything he sacrificed for me those couple of days.

After a little more sleep and a long, hard to hear, but necessary talk from my dad, I was ready to face the world again. I started to see evidence of my Savior everywhere. The talk I just referred to, for a starter. Then I was reading a book that I borrowed from a friend called "A Quiet Heart" by Patricia Holland, and she talked about how the Savior has already been through it all and is ready to comfort us, good friends and neighbors helped watch our kids and bring us meals for a few days, and the kids were both happier.

Sometimes life gives you just about everything you can handle, but I really feel that through all of this, I have been so blessed and I see the obvious need for balance in my life. For me, for Zac, and for my kids. I think I learned that I need to take care of me every once and awhile and it's okay to let other people help and that everything is going to be okay. Just one day at a time.

Teddy bear kisses

2011-08-25T13:30:00.000-07:00

My parents bought us this teddy bear for Owen a couple Christmas' ago. It plays songs and it's heart lights up. Owen loves it! He was playing with it the other day and every time he pushed on the heart button, it would say "I love you" or "you're my friend" or something like that. And I just thought it was sooooo cute that he would give it hugs and kisses.

And (I don't have any pictures), lately when we're playing, he will stop and grab my face with both of his hands and plant one on my cheek. I love this kid!!!

Lists

2011-08-23T17:49:00.000-07:00

I have been feeling like lately there are a lot of things that I want to learn or get better at, so I have found a few people to teach me more about:

Budget
Gluten free diets
Counting calories
Hair/makeup

and I am trying to find someone to help me learn how to decorate my house.

Along with learning these new things, I have made a list of to dos. This is one of those lists that just keep getting bigger and bigger. Some of those things include:

Making a FHE bin that has lessons and visual aids in an organized place.
Making a pantry/freezer inventory list, so I can better keep track of things as we start to run out.
Weekly goals to work on with Owen.
Weight loss plans.
Meal plans.
Putting photos in albums, until I'm 40 and have time to scrapbook again.

And the list goes on...

I also have a list of every room in my house and everything I want to finish or do in each room.

I think I have my work cut out for me. The other day I was discussing something with Zac and suggested we make a list to help us organize our thoughts and he just laughed and said "not everything can be fixed with a list." But, I made the list anyway. :)

Snuggles and Smiles

2011-08-15T12:52:00.000-07:00

There are two things from my son that are nearly impossible to get...snuggles and smiles (for the camera). When the camera isn't on, he smiles all the time, but he just doesn't like looking at the camera for more than a few seconds. I'm sure most moms can relate to a certain extent. Anyway, the other day he was tired and he snuggled with me for about 10 minutes. Loved it!!! There are a few more pictures of both my kiddos and their adorable smiles. I am one lucky mommy!

Hillarious!

2011-08-03T11:43:00.000-07:00

Mirrors

2011-08-01T10:07:00.000-07:00

I love it!

Get togethers

2011-07-20T20:47:00.001-07:00

We had one busy weekend! We had a farewell party/bbq for our good friends Nate and Misty Jensen. They will be moving way too far from us, but we are really excited for them and to have an excuse to get together with friends. Earlier that day, we had a reunion with Zac's family and that was busy, but lots of fun!

What a super busy, but fun weekend!!!

Cousins

2011-07-19T11:16:00.000-07:00

I love these kiddos!

4 Things That Happen on the 4th

2011-07-11T13:29:00.000-07:00

1. Walking

2.Swinging

3.Snuggling
4. Sleeping
We all had a good time on the 4th. We went to a work party with the people Zac works with and they were alot of fun and then since we were up on campus, we took advantage of walks and toys and exploring. The boys were exhausted by the time the fireworks started, but they loved watching them. Loved it!

Late night vent...

2011-07-06T22:25:00.000-07:00

I know I shouldn't blog when I'm tired or worn out, but lately that is every day and so why not?

I am the type of person that tries to see the good in people and situations and circumstances. However, some days I just need to be sad or angry. This is one of those days. We had an in home visit today and Owen was tired and grumpy and so I was trying to feed him food he liked (which is not my normal routine, because he is super picky about food and we are trying to get him to eat what we eat), well then he had an appointment where he didn't interact. Some days I can just shrug that off, and some days I just don't get it.

I mean he is surrounded by people that love him and a brother that is fascinated in him and wants to play and all he wants to do is turn magnets over. It is just so discouraging sometimes. It's like there is a wall between us and I can see him and I know he can see me, but we aren't allowed to play together. The day went on and he did let me toss him in the air, jump on the couch, and play with his blanket and pillow for about 20 minutes or so. Then he fell down and I wanted to console him and he wanted nothing to do with me. He has always been like this, and it still breaks my heart a little when he pushes me away.

I think one of the hardest parts about this whole experience is what I feel like he misses out on. A lot of the time, we try to plan things we think he would like to do but he has no interest. We want to plan a trip, but he really thrives with consistency. I feel like I need to be careful with the way I explain this, because he is such a happy kid and those moments when I get hugs or kisses out of nowhere last me a long time. I couldn't possibly love anyone more, I just wish I could hear him talk and understand when I tell him I love him. There is so much involved with autism that I don't understand and it feels so out of my control.

It was interesting, I was asking my bishop for some advice and he said something that really stuck with me, he said "These kind of situations can take you closer to the Savior or take you away from the Savior" and it really got me thinking that this is something I could never do on my own and although today was one of my harder days, it will get better. He is happy and deep down I know that he knows me and wants to be around me. I know that Heavenly Father is strengthening both Zac and I through all this and letting us know we are not alone.

Things I've learned as a mom...

2011-06-29T13:28:00.000-07:00

I feel like being a mom has really opened my eyes to a few things:

1. I can't control much other than how much I love my kids.

2. I can't protect them only teach them.

3. I would much rather look like crap and have my hair be a mess-if it means that my kids were played with and having fun.

4. I can be a mom and still have a life. :)

5. I can sleep when they're 18.

6. I don't have to be perfect, I just need to love my kids!

I know these seem really simple, but sometimes it feels like I forget some of these things that make life easier. I am so blessed and I love my kids so much!

I've been thinking a lot lately about Owen and how much his autism affects my daily life, (I worry about him, meetings, things like that) and I feel like I need to thank my Heavenly Father every day for him and the fact that I get to be his mom. Every little milestone feels like such a big deal and I love feeling like he is progressing and learning and most importantly happy.

I remember how hard it all was in the beginning and how hard it still is sometimes wondering if he'll continue to be happy and go on and do all the things we want for him, but we're getting there. He is happy and for now, that is the most important thing for me. I am so grateful for Owen and Will. I love their sweet little personalities. I love that when I get up at 3:00 in the morning, seeing that sweet little face just warms my heart. We are so blessed and I am so grateful that Heavenly Father trusts me with these sweet sweet boys.

My new niece

2011-06-28T13:18:00.000-07:00

My sister Diana, had a sweet little girl earlier this month and I of course got some cute pictures of her. They named her Ali Lois Jenkins and she is so little! After Will growing up so fast, I forgot they are that little.

Boys love to play!

2011-06-24T15:27:00.000-07:00

Family Reunion Part 4 (Last one)

2011-06-20T14:13:00.000-07:00

Last, but not least...Jesse, Debbie and sweet little Evelyn. They all live in Boise, but I keep trying to convince them to live next door. We have so much fun with them. Debbie has been my shoulder to cry on and Jesse and I tease each other like brother and sister. And as you can tell, Evie is gorgeous! I love getting to see these guys and I am so grateful for them.

Family Reunion Part 3

2011-06-18T12:47:00.001-07:00

This is Heidi, Justin and their kids; Morgan and Ivie. Heidi and I worked together before Zac and I were married and we had a blast. They have been so good to our family and we couldn't love them more. Ivie is a huge help with not only her brother, but with all the kids. They are an amazing family and we are blessed to be together as often as we can. Love them!

Family Reunion Part 2

2011-06-16T13:05:00.000-07:00

These pictures are mostly of Zac's sister, Kandace and her husband John and their kids; Johnny, Isaac, Sabina, Mallory and Penelope. I love them so much! We have so much fun with them. They're the kind of people that would do anything for anyone. They are just good like that. The kids are a blast and Kandace and John are so fun to talk to! We are lucky to have them close and so we get to see them a little more often and we love it when we all get together. They are always so helpful with our kiddos too. We had a lot of fun with them at the cabin!

Family Reunion Part 1

2011-06-15T13:10:00.001-07:00

So, we recently had a reunion and I shocked everyone and took a million pictures. :) Well, I decided to post the trip in a few multiple parts highlighting each family one at a time. I thought I would start with the Wood family. This is Zac's sister Emilee and her husband Vinson and their kids; Joseph, Caleb, Ian, Quinn and Seth. They aren't living close by and so it is always a treat when we get to see them. They are a blast and we really enjoyed seeing them. The kids were adorable (as you can tell), they just loved all the babies and giving them hugs and kisses. We miss them already and I LOVE them!

I love these boys!

2011-06-13T14:52:00.000-07:00

I feel like I always need to have my camera ready for moments like these. CUTE!

Discovering floss

2011-06-09T14:16:00.000-07:00

I can't get the picture to rotate, but you get the idea. Needless to say, we are getting better at hiding things. :)

Visit

2011-06-04T15:04:00.000-07:00

This is an overdue post...we went to Poky awhile back and visited with Zac's family. Love them!

Will chillin'

2011-06-03T13:09:00.000-07:00

I love how he doesn't like to sit up, but lean back and get comfy and then just smile or be content! Love this kid!!!

Realizations...

2011-06-02T12:59:00.000-07:00

There are a few things that have been clear to me lately and one of them is that I usually just post pictures and so I thought I would post what I'm thinking every once and awhile. So here are a few of those things that I've realized:

1. I have worked really hard with Owen to help him to learn how to talk and communicate and to help it click in his mind that if he uses his words we will be able to communicate with each other. I've realized that if this doesn't happen before he goes to school that doesn't mean that I've failed him, it just means that he isn't ready to talk yet. Removing this worry from my mind has made it easier to just play with him and enjoy his fun little personality more.

2. I LOVE to feel like my life is in balance. The house is clean, dinner is in the oven, scriptures and ensign are read, a full night's sleep, a smile on my face, a list of on-going projects...and so I've realized that I'm human and I don't have to be perfect to be a good person or a good wife/mom. It just gives me something to eventually get to.

3. It's okay for me to want time for me. This one is still a struggle. I like to take time for me, but sometimes I feel like I can't do that without inconveniencing someone else. I just need to let go and feel like me and not just a mom.

4. I am extremely grateful for my family (this includes Zac's family). We had a reunion lately and it was the most fun I've had in a long time and although family pictures were stressful and emotional (Owen doesn't want to be held or sit still and it's one of those times when he just feels different from other kids) but during our little emotional breakdown, my sweet sister-in-law put her arms around me and just let me cry. I just felt like she really understood. I love her and all my family!

5. My kids are my whole life and I would do anything to make them happy and know that they are loved!

6. On a lighter note, I take A LOT of pictures!

I love snuggles!

2011-05-25T14:11:00.000-07:00

Is it obvious that Owen loves his dad? I love the men in my life!!!

Will and his bouncer

2011-05-24T14:19:00.000-07:00

I don't know who loves this more...me or Will? He likes having so much to look at and I like letting my arms have a break. He is so cute and loves to watch all of us as we go by.

Zac with too much time on his hands...

2011-05-22T14:34:00.000-07:00

This was during Conference. Zac made the observation that Owen's hair was getting really long, he could probably even hold a ponytail. And then I see the light bulb go on and then he wanted to know where my hairbands were. And then I just had to laugh. Needless to say we were both a little distracted during conference. :)

Ode to Whitney

2011-05-19T13:22:00.000-07:00

I have been through a lot this year and it seems like every time I go through practically anything, Whitney has been there for me and so I want to just let her know how much I appreciate her.

Whitney and I became friends in elementary school and continued being friends during junior high and high school. College seems to be when most friends drift, but not Whit. She went on to serve a mission and I am so proud of her. I know how much she loves the gospel and it was clear to me what kind of missionary she was. We lived in different towns for a few years, but a year or so ago (maybe more) she moved to Logan and I was so thrilled to have such a good friend live so close.

We started going to dinner once a month and just catch up on life and it's joys and disappointments. She has really been there for me and that shoulder to cry on. She was right there with me when I found out about Owen and she encouraged me and helped me through with more support than I thought someone could offer me. She would come help me clean my house when I was pregnant and felt useless. She was the one that stayed with Owen for nearly a full day when I had Will and stayed until my parents got there.

She was the first person other than Zac to hold Will and has helped out a lot ever since. She has given Zac and I date nights, and came (with a prompting) on her birthday to make sure I was okay and then just let me cry. We still continue our tradition of dinner once a month and I always look forward to it. I don't think there is anything I could say or do to express all the many ways that this wonderful person has affected me and made me want to be better. She is one of the best people I know and the kind of person that would do anything for anyone. She is the most selfless person I know and I just felt like the least she deserved was a blog post!

Poses

2011-05-15T15:12:00.000-07:00

My boys know how to pose! We were playing around and here are some of the results. Too Funny!!!!

Worn out!

2011-05-12T14:08:00.000-07:00

The many faces of Will

2011-05-06T13:22:00.000-07:00

My little boy is getting so big! I love seeing this smile every day!!!

Trip to the zoo

2011-05-03T14:27:00.000-07:00

We actually took two trips to the zoo...I am just a slacker and took forever to post it. Owen was soooo cute! He was so excited about the monkeys. His little eyes just darted around as the monkeys went all around their cages. He was also really interested in the ducks. He is fearless. He put his hand right up to the fence where the duck's beak was. He almost got a little nimble too. :) Will liked just looking around. We had such a good time at the zoo!

A day with the girls!

2011-04-21T15:34:00.001-07:00

Every 4 months or so a few girlfriends that I went to high school with and I get together and have a girls day. This one was last weekend and we had a blast! As you can see from the pictures, we had 2 little ones about the same age. Garrett and Will were so cute looking at each other and smiling.

The only glitch in the plans was that Janae couldn't be there. We missed her! The rest of us played games, with a LOT of food, and it was fun to just catch up. I love these ladies!! So thanks Lynae, Lisa, Whitney, and Amie for a fun weekend!

Kisses

2011-04-21T15:19:00.001-07:00

What a cute boy!

2011-04-21T14:24:00.001-07:00

I love this little face! I just want to give him kisses all day!

Awesome!

2011-04-12T14:24:00.000-07:00

I love this kid!

Blessings...

2011-04-08T12:42:00.000-07:00

It has been a really rough week in a lot of ways, but I thought that I would try to focus on the blessings, since I feel like they just keep coming.

1. Will has been sleeping through the night pretty consistently.

2. We decided to cut back on some of Owen's classes. This means that I am not a crazy maniac every morning trying to get both kids fed and dressed and ready for the day. This also means that we can practice new methods at home more regularly.

3. I went out to ice cream with a friend of mine this week and it took my mind off things and reminded me how fun it is to get out!

4. Owen has been giving me random hugs lately and I just feel like he knows I love him. And he loves to hug Will. It is soooooo sweet!

5. Yesterday I was just feeling lonely and down and I got a knock on my door and my sweet friend Whitney had stopped by (on her birthday) and was thoughtful enough to listen to my struggles and just let me vent. She hugged me as I cried and insisted on cleaning my house up while I took a bath. My kids love her and so do Zac and I. She helped me remember I'm not alone.

The list seems to go on and on and although I am exhausted alot of the time and anxious for things to make sense, I really do have a lot of blessings to remind me that everything will work itself out. I have this really great quote in the back of my scriptures that I love:

"Things work out. It isn't as bas as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It will all work out. If you do your best, it will all work out. Put your trust in God and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us...If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers."

-Gordon B. Hinckley

One good man!

2011-04-01T10:36:00.000-07:00

On my blog I talk alot about what is going on with me and the kids and a good chunk of the time I forget to include much about my favorite person! Zac is so good to me and takes every opportunity amongst his crazy schedule to play with our kids and remind me to just sit back and enjoy life. He always makes me want to be better. We're a good balance for eachother and I would be lost without him. Love you Hon!

They grow up fast!

2011-03-28T15:05:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that Will is getting so big already. He is almost 4 months and he is smiling all the time and giggling more and more. He is a really happy and easy going baby. We can't imagine our lives within this cute boy! Owen loves him too!!! He loves to give him hugs all the time and I think they're gonna be good buddies.

Random Cuteness

2011-03-22T08:47:00.000-07:00

Good friends!

2011-03-18T11:43:00.000-07:00

I went to a Relief Society activity the other night and I realized that I don't have any pictures of these sweet women that I love. So, here is the proof that I am out of control when it comes to taking pictures. I love these wonderful people!!!

Brothers gotta hug!

2011-03-15T12:53:00.000-07:00

I love these boys!Lately, Owen thinks that Will is a toy and that he can pick him and carry him around. Good luck Will!!!

Questions...

2011-03-11T09:29:00.000-08:00

1. Do I do what's best for Owen?
2. Do I play with him enough?
3. Am I reading his cues?
4. Am I remembering to practice all the things I've learned in our classes?
5. Am I making it too complicated?
6. Do I keep a positive attitude?
7. Am I spiritually where I need to be?

These are just a few of the many questions I was asking myself yesterday. We had a really busy week! We had a Monday class, Tuesday video session, Wednesday community activity, Thursday class and then a later video review. Monday and Tuesday went well. Then Wednesday came and the community activity was to play basketball at a local school. They had mini basketball hoops and a bunch of basketballs and all Owen wanted to do was run and run and run. So, the next objective was to make that a game and encourage an interaction. So we made a square and as he ran to one of us, we would lift him up which he liked about twice and then he started to get really frustrated.

Now this is where it starts getting a little difficult for me. For those of you who aren't very familiar with Owen, he is an extremely happy boy, but he likes to play by himself a lot of the time and doesn't like to be interrupted in what he wants to do (most of the time-that means running). So, my normally happy child gets really upset with these kind of activities. So, I have to decide if I want to practice these things that make my son upset and makes me feel like I am the only one in that room that has a kid that doesn't want to play. However, I know that I need to be encouraging him to try new things and interact with people.

Then came Thursday, this was my breakdown day. He had a class (he has this class every other week). Zac came to this one. He likes to come, but it's hard to miss a lot of work and so a lot of these classes and meetings I go solo. So, I was really excited when Zac was able to come. Owen started out good, but it didn't take long before he started losing it. I'll be honest, I don't think I have ever seen him that upset and it lasted a little over an hour. We tried a lot of different things to get him to calm down and to get him to interact with us. It was just too many things going on for him to handle. During the middle of this, we were encouraged not to console him (he doesn't like to be consoled anyway) and just keep encouraging interactions and play with him and it kept going on.

So, there I am with my husband, wanting to show him how well he does in class and Owen is going crazy and I am just watching it. He would stop every once and awhile and catch his breath, but I just felt so helpless. At the end of our class, we are combined for snack and song time with a few other kids and he is crying the whole time...well, it was inevitable. There came my tears both there and on the way home. This made me question everything. Do I baby him too much? Do I make him not want to be consoled or held? What am I doing right or wrong and how can I change it? This is why I am so grateful for Zac. He is in the same boat as I am. We both love Owen with all our hearts and want what's best for him and just want to play with him and make sure he's happy.

By the time I got home, I took a deep breath and gave a silent prayer thanking Heavenly Father for reminding me of all my blessings. I am lucky enough to be a mom and to be Owen's mom nonetheless and that means that he trusts me with a very choice spirit. As soon as we were in the car, he was smiling and laughing and back to his normal self. He gave me a big smiles and I knew that he knew I was there to take care of him and that I love him. I had made plans with a friend of mine to go to dinner and I was grateful to go and forget about the day. I finished the day smiling and encouraged and ready for a new day. I still question what kind of mother I am from time to time, but I know that I love him and try everything I can to make sure he is happy and loved and that's the best I can do.

Will's blessing day

2011-03-08T10:46:00.001-08:00

What an amazing weekend! We were so excited to have everyone here and with us for Will's blessing. The fun started when Jesse and Debbie and Evelyn (my brother in law, his wife and their little girl) came on Friday night to stay with us! We love them and we don't get to see them as much as we would like and so it was a special treat to visit, play games and just have fun. I was so grateful for their help in getting food ready for the luncheon too. We had such a blast!

Then, we got to see a lot of family on Saturday night and we loved that too. So many people I love in my house and playing with my kids! I loved it!!! Then, on Sunday, Zac gave Will a beautiful blessing, and the day went perfect. It was a little chaotic getting everything together for the luncheon, but it was fun! This is a long post with lots of pictures...so enjoy!

Thanks again to everyone that came and spent the day with us. We love you and appreciate all you do for our family!

Smiles and Brotherly Love

2011-03-04T12:43:00.000-08:00

Will is starting to smile all the time and it is sooooo cute! He will smile at people or the couch or whatever, but he gets a new look on his face when I pull out the camera. Here are a few of the smiles I was able to get on camera. And of course, I couldn't resist throwing one of Owen in there too. :)

These boys are learning how to get along. Owen really likes Will and doesn't seem to mind having him around. They smile at each other a lot which I think is sweet and I think they will be good friends growing up.

My little one is growing!

2011-03-03T13:44:00.001-08:00

I can't believe this was taken just a couple of months ago...I love this boy!He is all smiles all the time. He cries when he has gas, or is hungry. Other than that, he is pretty calm. (Except in the car occasionally). He is such a blessing and such a fun baby!

Elk Ranch

2011-02-23T10:26:00.001-08:00

We took a trip a couple of weekends ago to the Hardware ranch. It was very eventful, but we had a good time. It is a bit of a drive from our house and we forgot wet wipes...I'll let you use your imagination, but overall we just have to laugh about it and we still got to enjoy a fun trip as a family.

Isn't he cute?

It's time...

2011-02-14T14:01:00.000-08:00

Zac and I have talked a lot about whether or not to post this on our blog, but it feels like the right time to do so. Owen has autism. I thought I would talk about how we found out and what we've been doing to help him and how we feel about it and just fill you in.

How we found out:
I took Owen in for his 18 month apt and there was a survey/form that you fill out that indicates what your child can and cannot do at that age. As I met with the pediatrician, he discussed with me concerns that he had about Owen's current development. He was very sensitive about the subject, but said that with what I was telling him and what he was seeing in Owen, we should look into getting him tested. I sobbed the whole way home and came home and told Zac about it and we both just fell apart. We didn't know much about it or what it meant or what to expect, or even what end of the spectrum he was on. We were terrified and testing took a lot longer than we expected to arrange. So, in the meantime, we just shut down. That's all we could think about and we were so scared of all of it's implications for our son that we love so much.

Coping:
Like I said, we shut down for a couple of weeks and there was a lot of tears and frustration and fear and anxiety. We could hardly sleep and we were both a mess for awhile. However, we prayed that things would get easier and that we would know how to handle it. We felt at peace a little more, but we didn't feel like it was something that was going to go away, we just felt strengthened to be able to handle it. During this time, we both got multiple priesthood blessings. We have a good friend in our ward that gave Zac a blessing in the beginning and the spirit was very strong and I was so grateful that both of us were able to enjoy the blessings of the priesthood. It also made me grateful for the blessings that Zac has given me and the courage I've received from that. We have been so much closer through all this. He is the one person that I can vent to and he completely understands. He is right there with me and we have been through good days and bad days together. Our prayers have been more sincere, and we have been able to see so many blessings in this period of time.

Testing:
Soooo many tests. It is very difficult in the beginning to have multiple people observe my son and all be in firm agreeance that basic skills and communication milestones are not where they should be. As a mother, I think that my son is brilliant and wonderful and believe me, none of these tests changed my mind, but at times, it made it hard to accept these struggles he was inevitably having. We have met with 2 doctors that have diagnosed him with mild to moderate autism, we have also met with occupational therapists, speech therapists, case workers, and again with our pediatrician. Let me just clarify that I am so grateful for these programs and wonderful people that he has worked with. He is now taking a class for development, does multiple in home visits with 3 different specialists, meets with another occupational therapist outside our home and I am currently taking a class for us as parents to learn more about how to communicate with Owen. We also go to community activities and we are really happy with his progress.

Life:
Oh, how our life has changed in the last few months. When we were deciding whether or not it was the right time to have another baby, we debated about when. I got a really strong impression that this baby needed to be here now and that we shouldn't wait any longer. We followed that prompting and within months we found out about Owen. We both agreed that had we found out about Owen earlier, we would have waited to have another baby. We are so grateful for Will. We can already tell that they are going to be good for each other. We love our sons! Well, that leads us to the last few months. I can't even begin to tell you how difficult it was to be pregnant and uncomfortable and have a meeting for Owen at least three times a week. It was a very difficult time for me and I just kept thinking, I just want to play with Owen again. But somehow we survived and we are making it day by day. Thank goodness for family, good friends, VT, and ward members.

Owen:
The amazing thing about Owen is that for the most part, he is extremely mellow and happy. He hates being restricted (like reading a book on our lap) or being held for very long. This is hard for me as his mom to not be able to console him when he's sad or hurt. He doesn't talk yet, he will occasionally say da da when he gets excited, and he likes to babble, but his words have no real meaning and he doesn't have the attention span to learn sign language yet, although it doesn't keep us from trying. We work constantly on eye contact, and he is really good at grabbing our hands and leading us places. We are so proud of him and the good happy boy that he is. His smile just melts us and nothing makes us happier than when he hugs us randomly and when we get to hear his sweet little laugh. He gives us so much joy and we know that he understands a lot of our words and so we are just on his time table and that is the way he has always been. He has to do things on his terms and in his own timing. He is one amazing boy! He loves to smile and laugh and he has a lot of good skills that he is developing. We have him in every program available and are very optimistic about where we're heading.

I think I just wanted to have a place to express my good days, hard days, and maybe even help someone else that may be going through something similar. We have been so blessed to see the Lord's hands in our lives and know that we lucky enough to be Owen's parents and give him all our love and encouragement. We know that we are watched over and that Owen has a great life ahead of him. We love him so much!!!

Treehouse Museum

2011-02-08T09:50:00.000-08:00

So, we went to the Treehouse Museum in Ogden with my sister, brother in law and my adorable little nephew. (There aren't many pictures of them since these kids had a million things to explore and I could barely get pictures of Owen). :) Anyway, they have all these fun sections of toys that kids can play with and Owen loved it.

This is my son kissing the window. It was soooo cute!!!

Here are some pictures I took after we got home. I love these boys!!!

I hardly ever get Owen to smile for the camera, but lately he likes the flashing light and so I capture some severe cuteness like this! That face just melts me!!!!

A fun visit

2011-02-02T14:20:00.000-08:00

My mom came to visit for a few days and I LOVED it! I always love it whenever she comes. Anyway, while she was here my sister and my nephew came to visit with all of us. These are some of the pictures I took while they were here.